If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
