when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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