I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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