I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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