I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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