My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
only you would photoshop your dick
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
