I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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