I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
