I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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