have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize