If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
and you fell through a lawn chair
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
