I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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