My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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