Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
