Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So squirting runs in the family.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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