I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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