I wish I could teleport
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
