I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
