you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
