made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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