i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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