rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
