I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
