You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
