RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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