is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
