New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize