Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize