worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
