Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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