i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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