you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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