R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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