Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Panties = found
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
