am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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