I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
