Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
