I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
