I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
wow bdsm is so cute
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