he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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