We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
