he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize