Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
