I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
