dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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