I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will be naked everywhere
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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