So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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