If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
how does that bad decision feel?
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