oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
