margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
