First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
