Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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