I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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