i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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