Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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