haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Princesses don't give blow jobs
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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