pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Can Purell be used as lube?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
