We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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