They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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