Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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