Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize