i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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