So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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