I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
