i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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