don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
