Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
